The Things You Miss When You're Gone

When emergency surgery suddenly sidelined me a few months ago, I didn't want to stay at home for very long. I'm not the kind of person who convalesces well; I don't like to sit on my duff. Unfortunately it was more than just a local, so like it or not, sidelined I was for a few months.

Grrr.

So, now I'm back, and my first night in I spent hours laughing my ass off with the guys about some of the things I'd missed. My favorites:

-The engineer on the engine company at my station fell face-first out of the truck after coming back from a late call. Apparently he didn't wake up until sometime halfway through the drive home.

-A call involving a man who swore he saw green monkeys climbing through his windows, despite the guys all standing there telling him that his windows were tightly shut. Green monkeys are obviously worth calling 911 for.

-A drunk at a Denny's restaurant who had alcohol poisoning and wanted to show the staff all the pretty colors in his emesis. He found this quite amusing because he also wanted to show my friends once they arrived to take him to the hospital. I could have done without the play-by-play (besides, I've probably worn that particular drunk's innards before).

-An elderly couple called for an ambulance for the tenth time in a month - because they just received the bill for the last nine times they called. They had to call a police unit out to confirm that, no, ambulance rides are NOT free and we're not here to shuttle people to doctor's offices.

-The captain at my station performing his best impression of a homeless man who so loved the firefighters at our station that he stopped to serenade them as they did their gear check with a hearty rendition of "Sexual Healing" (which, oddly enough, sounded an awful lot like Bill Cosby's impression of a drunk person).

As for my first night back? Oh, if only I could give exact details...Bonnie and Clyde held a standoff with police, Clyde pretended to hold Bonnie hostage and fired through the door at everything that moved, the couple switched clothing, did an inordinate amount of methamphetamines, and in the end the purported VICTIM got shot in the face by a police sniper.

Damn, I missed my job!